These are just some thoughts I’ve had lately.. sometimes I get too wrapped up in my own feelings & forget about how great God really is.
I really do love my life & I love being on mission, but sometimes its not easy. Thankfully God is there through the good & bad & always loves me the same,
Lord,
I am sad.
I am lonely.
I am frustrated.
I am anxious.
I am afraid.
I am worried.
But most of all, I am sad.
This transition has been harder than I ever thought it would. I didn’t think I would feel this heartache or this loneliness or this longing to be back home in my comfortable, already happy, knowing-what’s-going to-happen life… & I know people expect me to keep it all together I mean I’m so “brave” I’m “living the dream” I’m an “amazing person” but the truth is I’m not. I’m a scared little girl who doesn’t really know what she’s doing & I’m sad cause I miss my friends and my family, I’m sad cause I miss hearing people talk English all the time. I’m lonely because my best friends are back in Canada. I’m frustrated because people don’t understand me because I can’t speak their language. I’m anxious because I came here to do something and I feel like I’m doing nothing still. I’m anxious because I just want to open the orphanage & do what we came to do. I’m worried because what if I don’t do what you want me to? What if I let people down? What if I can’t share the gospel effectively? What if I do n o t h i n g?
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Sometimes I forget who you are.
Sometimes I lose sight of how big you really are & that you’re standing right behind me, even in the quiet.
Sometimes I forget that you are bigger than my sadness, my loneliness, my frustration, my anxiousness, my fears & my worries.
Sometimes I forget that you didn’t call me to be comfortable. You didn’t call me to sit around & do nothing.
Sometimes I forget that even though I’m sad, your glory is greater still & that I find real joy in you alone.
Sometimes I forget the day I was driving in the van in tears, confused & unsure of what to do when you whispered one sentenced to me that changed everything.
“If you want to be my disciple, you must go.”
Sometimes I forget that I was called to do something & that I am here for a purpose & that you have everything under control.
Sometimes I forget that I don’t change people, you do. I simply just make them aware of your greatness.
Sometimes I forget that it’s not really me doing the work, its you.
I lose sight and I forget that I am just an ordinary girl serving an extraordinary God.
I don’t really know what I want to say in this other than thank you.
Thank you for being my rock, for being sovereign, for being high above it all.
For already knowing how I feel and loving me anyways.
For still looking on me with grace, kindness & love even on the days when I fail you as a child.
For sending me people who love me & encourage me every step of the way.
Thank you for being in control.
Thank you for already writing my story so I don’t have to do it on my own.
Thank you for being there when it feels like I’m all alone.
& thank you for being in control.
Psalm 34:18 ~ The LORD is close to the broken hearted & saves those who are crushed in spirit.
John 14:1 ~ Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.
Jeremiah 29:11 ~ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you & not to harm you, to give you a hope & a future.’
John 10:28-29 ~ I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my father’s hand.
John 14:18 ~ I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.
1 Peter 5:7 ~ Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
The Greatness Of Our God ~ Hillsong
what are you thankful for today?
happy sunday ! xo
Tatiana Blackburn 