The Number

It still haunts me every single day of my life, this lie that beauty is based off a number is so strong and has been pounded into my being so deeply that some days, I still fall into it’s trap.

I get anxious when I go shopping in fear that my size has changed, in fear that I won’t be able to fit into the socially acceptable number at the time. It terrifies me to the point that I feel like it could break me.

I remember a time a few months ago, I was shopping online and trying to figure out what size I should order. I measured myself and was a way larger number than I thought I should be. In my mind, this larger number was unacceptable. I hated myself because of that number and I cried because of it. It broke me; it got a hold of me. I fell into the trap again. Why? Because I’ve believed the lie that a number determines my worth.

The world tells me that a number determines my worth.

This lie is fierce; it doesn’t ever give up. It always tries to weave its way into me so that it can destroy me. Some days it’s too hard to fight and some days, it threatens to win.

But those days are when my Saviour comes in. When my Jesus comes and lifts me out of the pit it’s pushed me into. When he writes how he feels about me across my heart so I never forget it. When he tells me that I am worth so much more than a number, that I am his child and that my worth is found in him alone, the Almighty, the I Am, the Most High, Most Powerful Creator, not in some measly number.

Yes the lie still haunts me, but my Jesus is also with me and always ready to come to my rescue.

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This post is part of a 31 day series. If you’d like to see the rest of the series, click the photo above.

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