when you think you’re too far gone

It’s happening again.

My heart is starting to race, my palms are beginning to sweat, I feel the fear and dread welling up inside of me until it feels like it’s going to consume me.

I hear someone say, “You screwed up.”

In my heart I know I did. I know I messed up big time.

I hear the man start to tell me lies. Somehow I realize that what he’s telling me is deceitful but I’m to weak to fight and I begin to believe him.

You’re too far gone.

He can’t forgive you now.

What you did was too bad.

It’s too late.

I start to cry as I believe these lies. Is he right? Is it over? It can’t be, can it?

And just when I think I’m about crumble, just when it becomes too much to bear, I feel Jesus with me.

I feel Him hug me.

I feel how much He loves me.

I hear Him call me, “daughter.”

I hear Him tell me it’s okay, that He’s already forgiven me and not only that but He’s already forgotten about it.

I hear Him say that He won’t shame me, that I am made new and the girl I was in my past is dead and gone.

I hear Him say all this and I feel loved. I feel accepted. I feel free. And I walk away with Jesus knowing that I am.

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